My next brilliant idea...

We had a delivery of water bottles yesterday at the office, which reminded me of a brilliant idea I had a couple of years ago which I still have to introduce to my bank manager as a going concern (not that I have a business bank manager - I have a name in a suit who says that he is one but he is a wanker rather than a banker who trys his best to sell me insurance - however that is another story).

My brilliant idea will enliven the whole concept of the office water cooler, a place where employees gather to pass the time of day with boring, stifling conversation about the weather or that bloke on the 3rd floor who wears brown shoes with a blue suit, and most days they can't even think of anything to say about those default topics.

My new company "Fish-Coolers" would supply to your company the standard sized water cooler bottle, full of fresh spring water, specially filtered highland spring water that contains lots of minerals and vitamins and other good stuff - I'd fill them from my kitchen tap actually and dissolve a spoonful of epson salts in each bottle - and in each and every bottle, just before I sealed it, I'd pop a goldfish in.

A live goldfish of course, and when we delivered them we'd pop a weeks worth of goldfish food into each bottle to keep it going until the bottle was empty.

Can you imagine how this would liven up the 10am water cooler break time ?
Especially if I used those nice fantail goldfishes, or maybe a half dozen guppies in each bottle.

I'd leave instructions with an appointed employee at each company on what to do when the bottle needed changing - I've thought this through properly and I reckon its foolproof. You see my biggest fear was that someone would find a goldfish in their cup one morning, but in fact it will never happen if they follow my instructions.

The fish would shit in the water, obviously they will, and their poo will sink to the bottom of the bottle and you obviously don't want people draining the last dregs out of the bottle and getting either a fish, or poo, or both, so I'd draw a line something like an inch above the bottom of the bottle and instruct the clients to change the bottle once the water reached this line - this would solve both problems instantly, the fish would never die from a lack of water or by being sucked through the chiller bit, and the client would never get to drink the poo from the bottom of the bottle.

See, I've thought it all through, I know what I'm doing with this and I think I'm on a winner.

Fish-Coolers - you heard it here first.