Life on the road...

You see, I've always wanted a motorhome.
Always.

Even back in the days when I seemed to be driving all day long for a living, back in the late 1970's when the UK's idea of a mobile home was to put a box on top of a Ford Transit chassis and furnish it with stuff that you'd already thrown out of your own house, even back then I wanted a home that I could drive.

Its the most common search phrase that I use on eBay is "motorhome" and it always throws up things like the one in the photograph, huge fifty foot long american imported megoliths that are furnished like a tarts boudoir and seldom sell for anything less than £100,000 - thats the sort of thing I'd love to pack up and take off for our three week long summer holiday.

My family would hate it though.

We'd barely reach the motorway before someone would ask "how much further" or "the telly's broken" or "the toilet won't flush" and the whole holiday would descend into farce as they grew to hate my mobile extravaganza more and more by each second of our epic journey which would in fact turn into a journey that barely reached outside of Yorkshire before I would have to return to prevent permanent hearing damage from their constant whining and whinging.

My family hate travel unless it consists of a jetplane adventure to a foreign destination.

To go off on my own in my motorhome would be the only solution.

So I've checked eBay's motorhome section again today.

And it seems to have been invaded by people who are taking the piss.

"Camper Van" one of the adverts reads, buy it now price is £850, sounds like a bargain.
113,000 miles, starts first time apparently, "runs sweet" apparently, the three seats in front fold down to make a table allegedly, "has a rattel on front when u hit a pot hole dont fink its anyfing to worry about" it reliably informs, "check stap on rear door not working" whatever that means, "could do with new handal on side door still works" is a mystery, "cash on pickup" is a given and its finally reassuring to know that it has "sercurity locks on rear doors".

How can I resist for £850 ?

Its a fooking Ford Transit van, an empty, bog standard "S reg" Ford Transit van that has had its arse flogged to death on some building site somewhere, and now has the carpet from the builders mums back bedroom on its ridged floor and a bench running down one side, it doesn't even have windows in it.

Sounds like its just the job for me then, thats my holidays sorted.