This could be fun

I'm going to see my doctor in ten minutes time.

I can't remember when I last went to see him/her and the name they've given me to ask for doesn't sound familiar, in fact its a Dr Ho and I'm sure it was a Dr Ho that I went to see at the dental clinic last year, maybe he does mouths and wee-ing devices on alternative days ?

Damn, I wasn't going to tell you why I was going.

This is secret by the way, not even my wife knows I'm going, in fact I didn't even know I was going until I rang them 20 minutes ago - that must be some sort of a record surely, you ring your doctor at 8am and get an 8.45am appointment ?

Anyway, must fly, update later.



4pm UPDATE...

So I turned up at the doctors surgery and my how its changed since I was last there. Was told to sit down in the waiting area by the receptionist and so just politely sat there waiting as instructed, expecting that she'd shout at me when it was time to see one of the doctors.

I heard a "Ping" noise a few times but ignored it and then suddenly the woman next to me stood up and disappeared down a corridor on her way to see one of the doctors - "how the hell did she know to do that ?" I thought, I hadn't heard the old bag behind the counter shout her name out, do they do it by hypnosis now ?

And then I saw the huge big illuminated sign which filled nearly the whole wall opposite me which "Pinged" everytime a doctor was ready for you, I was fascinated, and I bet the old bag behind the reception desk was too as she didn't seem to have a function now, the last time I was in the doctors you relied on her to tell you everything, including the latest news on Mrs Thompson's fallopian tubes.

Shortly after I'd learned the rules to the game the sign "Pinged" and displayed my name and instructed me to go to room seven, so off I trotted to find a young lady doctor who wasn't called "Dr Ho" at all, maybe I should have my hearing checked out too. The first thing that she mentioned was that it had been a while since I'd been to the surgery, 1993 to be exact, and I mentioned that I remembered it well because it was the day of the great weighing confusion which is now part of my biography, she was impressed at my memory and added that she was new here herself, she'd only been a doctor for two weeks.

So we sat and smiled at each other for a few minutes and then she asked why I was there, "its the toilet" I said, and before she could advise that it might be a plumber I needed I added "I can't stop going", or rather "I can't stop wanting to go"

I got a long explanation about urinary infections and/or prostate problems and then she produced a small tube with a screw cap lid, "can you fill this" she asked, "what from here" I replied because of course the old jokes are always the best ones, but she shoved me into the corridor and pointed out where the toilet was and I was back in twenty seconds with a steaming tube full of this mornings breakfast coffee, because of course the desire to piss all the time is what is causing the problem at the moment.

She tested it for something or other and declared it infection free, but she stuck a label onit and said she'd sent my piss to a laboratory somewhere for more tests, boy that is one job that must be top of everyones wish list, testing other peoples piss, I bet they don't have to advertise for that job in school careers offices, they'll be queueing round the block for any vacancies at the piss testing laboratory.

So having ruled out an infection she then started to talk about prostates.
And how there are only two tests for a poorly prostate.
One involves a blood test.
One involves her sticking her finger up my arse and waggling it around for a bit.

She actually asked me which one I'd prefer.

I mentioned that perhaps we could try the blood test first and if all else failed then maybe, just maybe, I might consider the invasive option.

So I'm going for a blood test at 5pm.

Its the PSA blood test for prostate cancer which hopefully will be a "low" result, which apparently is what it should be, but she did mention that a high result doesn't mean that you have cancer and neither does a low result or even a result somewhere in the middle, in fact she mentioned that the test is pretty much inconclusive and the only way to tell would be for the finger job and/or a biopsy, which involves sticking something else up your arse too.

I'm still favouring the blood test myself.