Today I felt pain like I've never felt pain before.If you read backwards through this blog to just one week ago you'll know that I paid my first visit to our doctor for 13 years - because I was feeling the need to urinate far to often during the day.
She took a urine test and a blood sample and whilst a quick test showed no urinary infection she sent them off for analysis, and for a PSA test for prostate cancer, which was just one of many probable causes.
I had an appointment to revisit the surgery at 4.15pm this afternoon to get the results and in the last two days the feeling of a need to urinate was with me constantly, not that I needed to, it was just the feeling of needing to - its a bloody nuisance.
I woke at 5am this morning, went to the bathroom and took a leak, no problem there. Went back to bed and awoke at 6am with the constant feeling of a need to urinate strangely absent.
I found out why when I stood up.
In that hour someone had crept up to me while I was asleep and inserted twenty seven dozen red hot needles into the small of my back, left hand side. I had never felt pain like that at all, never.
The problem is that I have nothing to compare the pain to, I'm fifty years old in two weeks time and have never broken a bone in my body, I bruised a toe badly once when I kicked a brick on the beach at Whitley Bay (long story), but thats about as bad as pain has ever been for me - actually thats not true, I crushed a vertebrae disc in my back fifteen years ago, but that was just a bee sting compared to this morning.
For some reason I came downstairs, decided that was a stupid thing to do so went back upstairs and lay on the bed where Suzanne soon awoke to find me soaked in sweat and clutching the sheets in screaming agony, she gave me two paracetomols which were as useless as slapping me in the face and telling me to pull myself together and called the doctor.
After a long discussion with the emergency NHS Direct person it was decided to bypass my GP and head for the hospital and so an ambulance was called, but as my agony was not life threatening (all this from just a telephone conversation, clever aren't they ?) I wasn't a priority.
To cut the story short I arrived at the hospital at 9am after three hours of pain and promptly threw up in the ambulance as predicted by the paramedic who had given me the gas-and-air tube so loved by birthing females with a warning that it would make me feel intoxicated and possibly billious, it did both, but it didn't kill the pain at all - all I can say is that if the gas-and-air stuff dulls the pain of childbirth then childbirth pain can't be that bad, not as bad as what I had anyway.
There, thats got rid of all the indignant women, now read on guys...
After blood had been taken the nurse noticed my writhing on the bed and groaning in agony and asked if I'd like a painkiller - I almost strangled her for asking the most stupid question of the year.
One tiny little white tablet, just 30mg of codeine and a 200mg tablet of ibuprofen and the pain went within three minutes, I told Suzanne to write down the name of those two drugs and find a source for them on eBay, with a packet of them a person could go through the rest of their life and never have a hangover again, ever.
Kidney stones, thats what I apparently have folks, kidney stones.
Tiny little crystals of salt and calcium, tiny little things that in my case don't even show up on an x-ray (I had two), tiny little grains that sit there pressing on a nerve making you want to constantly urinate and then one morning they decide to move along a little bit and BAM - you're incapacitated with blinding agony, writhing, screaming, clenching, pain that cannot be merely described - and two little tablets make it go away.
I've got a three day supply of those little tablets and I'm hanging on to them like grim death. The pain hasn't come back yet and its now 7.30pm, they fed me and released me to come home at 2pm this afternoon - I love the NHS, its a superb service no matter what shit the politicians spout about it.
How do I feel now ?
Full of water for starters, I've got to drink between four and six pints a day now to wash the buggering stones out - and I've been warned that that could be fun too - but mainly I feel bruised...
If you've ever watched the old John Wayne movie "Stagecoach" where he's on a stagecoach being persued by Indians and he climbs over the six horses heads for some reason that I can't remember, then hangs underneath the horses and slides all the way back down underneath the stagecoach, no I can't remember why he had to do that bit either, but you remember the scene ?
Well I feel like I've just done the same stunt.
But when I did it I fell over the lead horses head and it trampled all over me and so did its five other horsey friends. Then the stagecoach ran over me too, and just for good measure all of the persuing Indians horses squished me into the sand as well.
Thats how I feel right now.
But I've got my tablet friends to keep me company tonight.
5 comments:
Im sympathising with you Mclaren field.
I was rushed to Hospital in the early hours of the monday morning following the cup final due to experiencing severe pains in the right hand side, and constant vomitting.
The ambulance crew were a most ungratefull bunch, and were genuinly dissapointed that they had turned up at my house and not found me lying in a pool of blood, faeces and puke. Instead I stood at the door thanking them for arriving so quickly.
So off to hospital i went, puking my guts out all the way. Much to the pleasure of the ambulance crew, who clearly now realised they were dealing with a genuine sickie.
The doctors then spent the next few hours giving me first paracetomol, which didnt work, then a painnkiller injection into the arm, which worked for an hour or two. Finally they waved a white flag, told me to drop my kecks, stick my arse out, and wammo a full on dose of morphine was injected right into my bottom.
The remainder of the day was spent in a dreamlike daze where nothing in the world bothered me. I could still feel the pain in a numbed out kind of way, but now it didnt matter.
The consultant advised me the following day that i have gallstones, the only cure of which is surgical removal of the gall bladder. I am now on the NHS waiting list to be sugically gutted. The waiting list for which is many months.
On a broader note i was advised that the pain from Gallstones and Kidney stones can be the most intense pain any human can consiously experience. Its far more painfull than childbirth for example.
Personally I can vouch for the fact it was more painfull than a broken leg or acute appendicitis, both of which i have suffered from.
From your description of the treatment given out to you, i would suggest that your pain was not of the severest nature. If it was you would have been given morphine and kept in hospital. This was certainly the case of a gentleman suffering from kidney stones in the bed next door.
You have therefore been warned.
I of course now have to spend many months until the op, wondering when the next attack of pain will come. Will it be next week or three months hence. When it does happen will it be as bad as last time, or even worse.
The only certainty i have now, is that i will not be traveling to Aus to see the Tri nations. I cannot risk having an attack on a plane, or 12000 miles from home in Aus or New Zealand. That much is certain.
Thanks for that !!!
I was amazed when I left the hospital after just four hours that I felt fine - sore and bruised, but otherwise fine, and have done since.
Three hours of that pain was enough for me and if it can get worse than that then I don't want it anywhere near me, I'm drinking four or five litres of water a day and have my faithfull painkillers within arms length at all times.
Hopefully I can wash the stones out as they are small enough not to show on x-rays, in fact they are virutal stones (grit) only because the doctor presumed thats what they are after ruling everything else out.
Good luck with your op.
Gary, if you haven't worked it out already you can pick up Ibuprofen for practically pence from any chemist and most supermarkets, don't be fooled into buying expensive branded versions, go for the cheapest, medicines for sale in this country have to be manufactured to a very high standard (usually by the same people, just with different packaging). As for codeine, at that strength you will probably need a prescription to get them legally, they are from the same family of drug as Morphine and Heroin so posession without a prescription could be seeing you in deepest doo doo with the old bill, I believe you can buy lower strength ones (15mg) and double up but you can certainly get a liquid preparation, it's very popular amongst those with "addictive" personalities so be prepared for questions at Boots. Don't take too much if you get any though, it makes you a bit light headed, it might make you throw up and you can't booze on it as it increases the sedative effect. Hope some of this helps and good luck with the rest of it.
Paul,
Thanks for the advice. I did pick up some Ibuprofen from our local Morrisons supermarket on Friday for £1 or so and they have never left my side since.
I've been lucky so far though in that I haven't needed any painkillers since Friday night - I am aware that this could be the calm before the storm though !
Some soreness remains but thats all so far !
You can buy tablets which combine codeine and paracetomol from Boots. They're called something like Cocodemol. My doctor recommended them for tooth pain while I was waiting for a dentist to see me. They were very effective, and they needed to be because I ended up having a root canal.
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