Christmas with the Blairs...

A revealing interview with Cherie Blair today reveals how christmas with the Blairs works...

Well in reality it reveals very little actually.

It reveals that our Prime Minister gets to help decorate the Downing Street christmas tree - yeah sure he does - he gets to help like I get to help, in other words he's the one who gets the ladder out of the shed and climbs up into the loft to get the tree and the baubles down, then he goes back to watching "Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em" on UK Gold.

It reveals that Tony doesn't buy any christmas presents at all except for Cherie's and her mums and that if he got one of his skivvy's to buy the presents for him then "he'd be dead" - well all I can say is that he buys one more present at christmas than I do and if I had a skivvy to go do the job for me then that skivvy would be out there doing it right now - if Cherie thinks that her husband actually gets the bus up the road to Oxford Street and spends an afternoon battling against the crowds in Marks and Spencers to buy her and her mother one of those £20 pendant on a chain presents "Would you like that gift wrapped sir", "What do you think you dozy bitch, do I look like I do wrapping ?" - then she's more of a muppet than I already believe she is.

Speaking of which, the famous Cherie ear-to-ear wide grin which is so reminiscent of Fozzie the bear once convinced me that she was staying in the next apartment to me with a german lover in a hotel in Barbados. I was on one of my famous "working trips" and had been given an apartment on a remote part of the site where ten other rooms shared a swimming pool - the Cherie Blair look-a-like had me looking for several days such was the remarkable resemblence but one evening as I sidled closer to the couple when they were stood at a bar on the complex, I discovered that their conversations and canoodling were in german, so all those photographs of her sunbathing topless and swimming in the pool naked late at night were not required for the News of the World then, not that they'd have refused them anyway if they'd been offered.

But the final incredible revelation in the GMTV interview with Cherie (how fortunate we are that Fiona Phillips is such a wonderful in depth investigative reporter), is that Cherie had the state rooms at Downing Street repainted when they arrived in 1997, from blue to terracotta and that Margaret Thatcher did not approve when she saw them - apart from that being as good a reason as any for doing it in the first place I can't imagine how I've managed to live my life over these past nine years without knowing that fact, I simply can't wait to see the televised interview now, it will be riveting, no really...