Lionel Blair - my hero

Lionel Blair in suicide pier jump drama

At last Lionel is given the recognition he deserves.

For years the light footed dancing-on-TV supremo who also thinks he can sing a bit has been the butt of too many comedians homophobic jokes, and to date his only claim to fame has been that his name is used as rhyming slang for a pair of 1970's trousers.

But now Lionel has revealed himself as the superhuman being that we fans have always known him to be.

For on Wednesday night Lionel-the-luvvy had just finished filming for Channel 4's "The End of Pier Show" on Blackpools North Pier (I'll guess that Twinkletoes Lionel had some sort of dancing role) and was enjoying a small snifter in the bar with producer Alan Carr (who he), when into the lounge raced a burly security guard yelling for help as they'd found a man dangling off the end of the pier intend on killing himself.

Braveheart Lionel and Alan Carr (who he) raced to the end of the pier where they found what police later described as "a man" hanging off the end of the pier, clinging hold of life by his very fingertips.

Now me, in that situation, I'd have berated the idiot for interrupting my end-of-shoot snifter and then stamped on his fingers and gone back to the bar, but not so the sometimes foppish but now revealed as extremely brave Lionel, oh no, interviewed this morning on GMTV he revealed his secret weapon, the words that he used to banish all thoughts of suicide from the poor saps mind, the life-saving phrase that all professional rescue folk should commit to mind the next time they are called out on such an emergency...

He said to the man...

"Hello, I'm Lionel Blair..."

At which point we all expect the man to release his grip and fall to his untimely death.

But he apparently just said...

"Oh"

To which Lionel replied...

"Come inside and have a drink with us"

At which point we all expect the man to release his grip and fall to his untimely death.

But he said "No I want to go"

At which point I would have berated the idiot for interrupting my end-of-shoot snifter and then stamped on his fingers and gone back to the bar.

But dear brave Sir Lionel and Alan Carr (who he) grabbed the man and dragged him inside the bar for a snifter with them thus saving his life, until the police turned up and arrested what they later described as "a man", presumably for wasting the national heroine Lionel's valuable time.

A bashful Lionel told GMTV this morning in his unique dulcet tones, "I was amazed, there we were surrounded by huge Arnold Schwarzeneger type security guards, and they left it to me and Alan (who he), the campest guys on the pier to rescue the man"

All hail this morning - Lionel Blair - national hero.