It was 24 years ago today...

That the current Mrs Jerrychicken lured me down the aisle to a suprise wedding ceremony at Seghill Church, Northumberland.

For years and years whenever any poor sap proposes to someone on a tv soap my children turn to me and ask "how did you propose to mum ?" and the truth is - I can't remember ever doing so.

I can't remember the time that we actually decided to get married, which makes me entirely suspicious about the whole affair, if I can't remember agreeing to do the deed then how can it be legal ?

Its a flimsy defence I know and over the years several solicitors have advised against using it as a get-out clause, but what do they know ?

I do remember the night before when my brother Ned turned up at my small one bed flat to spend some time with the condemned man bringing with him an overnight bag and a large flat box which he placed on the floor.

I asked him what it was and he said nothing but unwrapped its brownpaper wrapping to reveal...

A 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle.

And I got the joke immediately.

There is an old Laurel and Hardy film where Ollie is marrying a rich heiress and on the morning of the wedding Stan turns up with a similar jigsaw puzzle and the pair become so engrossed in finishing it, as do the assorted callers to the house during the morning, including a policeman who has been sent from the church to find out where they are, that they miss the ceremony completely.

What a magnificent masterplan.

How I wish we'd finished the jigsaw off instead.

So its 24 years ago today and in a similar manner to the previous 23 anniversaries I will be expected to have bought her something while I get nothing, and next year I am even now being informed that I should now be planning some sort of big event for our silver wedding anniversary - quite frankly I give not one flying fook for the whole anniversary thing and if she ever reads this while I am still alive then I am dead, so to speak.