I've tried not to comment on the FIFA World Cup thing that is currently ongoing (for ever) in Germany, I've tried not to comment on Englands 1-0 win against Ecuador on Sunday.
Because,
I can't watch the game at all without wondering what everyone else sees in it - as I've said before, its the kings new clothes complex, I'm sure I'm the only one who is totally unmoved, nay bored by the whole affair.
The England game on Sunday for instance - I watched it, for the first time in many years I watched a football match all the way through and resisted the temptation to go do something more constructive instead, like for instance flushing something down our toilet and then running outside to see if I could catch it as it ran past the inspection pit in the street outside - I've always wanted to do that, it could be an international sport if I marketed it as good as FIFA do.
Frankly the England/Ecuador game was a complete waste of two hours of my life, I've wasted lots of hours in my life, there was that time went I got all dressed up for a company christmas "do" at a posh hotel but went to the wrong hotel for instance, but Sunday afternoon was a 100% tax deductable write-off of two hours, if I'm not mistaken I believe that it is possible for people who watched that game to apply to heaven and gain a two hour credit onto their lifespan in compensation.
And the worst thing about football is the cheating that goes un-noticed by spectators, commentators and officials.
You know the sort of thing - player A runs towards goal with ball at feet, player B approaches within three feet of him, player A falls over and rolls many, many times on the floor clutching a random part of his anatomy, face screwed in pain, peeping out of one eye now and again to see if he's got the penalty yet.
And instead of the commentators mentioning that player A is a big wuss and a cheat, they replay the incident forty two times in an attempt to justify the lots of rolling around and the obvious agony and come up with a comment like "Yes Bob, I think he just clipped his heels there" or "Oh yes Bob, shirt pulling, look just there".
"I can't see any reason for that Bob, I think he's a fuckin cheating bastard" is what they should really say, but they don't , they partake in the charade that football is "the beautiful game" and that tugging someones shirt really is a grevious crime tantamount to murdering your mother.
Its a game for big nancies.
To play, and watch.
So there.
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2 comments:
But the problem is, us footie fans get frustrated by this too. FIFA said that they would clamp down on 'simulating' (why don't they call it cheating?), but they haven't. On the other hand, I can only think of one instance where the player successfully 'conned' the referee and made a difference to the result. So why do it?
And if you thought that the England match was boring, you should have tried Switzerland vs Ukraine. About as exciting as showjumping.
But for all that, there have been genuinely exciting games to watch (as there always are). I'm sorry that you can't appreciate them, but we can't all like 'the beautiful game', can we?
Alan
Video refs - thats the future.
Thirty seconds time out, "never touched him Bob, yellow card the cheat".
It would stop overnight.
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