Suits you sir...

An excellent sporting night - the Rhinos pulverised Saints into submission to win the Grand Final and England grind down France for brave Sir Johnny to drop another victory goal - excellent stuff.

And I bought a new suit.

I may not have mentioned this before, but in three weeks time I and the famille Jerrychicken are to attend my cousins wedding - not some ordinary wedding, but a big celebrity wedding, for he is betrothed to a "celebrity".

Unfortunately and because they have sold the rights to IPC Magazines we are not allowed to take cameras with us, nor are we allowed to disclose the venue, so don't expect to see any evidence published on here - boo!!!

But I am determined to be, in that room of a thousand stars of stage, screen and football grounds, the one with the cheapest suit and in that world of Chanel and Armani I will proudly boast that my new suit cost less than the bottle of champagne that random celeb has just spilled all over said Chanel or Armani.

To this end I lined up a magnificent black suit available off the peg from George at Wallmart Asda, £26 for jacket and trousers - my wife picked the top of their range suits priced at a staggering £45 but I insisted that I wanted the £26 one, how could I hold my head up high at the wedding knowing that I had spurned the low cost option ?

I didn't buy the Asda one because we argued too much in the shop, but yesterday I found myself in Matalan, yes we shop at all the best outfitters, admiring a nice grey pinstripe priced at a mere £40 with an extra £8 for a shirt and tie combination - I decide to push the boat out and exceed the suit budget after all, at £40 I'd still be the owner of the cheapest suit at the celeb wedding - by some considerable margin, like hundreds of pounds margin.

I tried onthe grey £40 pinstripe - it looked like a bag of rags on me, for that is indeed what it was, tissue paper thin and, erm, a bag of rags.

Sorely disappointed I headed for the Matalan "very expensive" rail where I found a charcoal pinstripe with a touch of pruple in it for the outrageously expensive tag of £65, far more than I wanted to pay and I had to keep reminding myself that I could buy two Asda suits for this price but I tried it on and it looks quite good, hangs nicely, fits in a few places, sleeves not too long, sleeves both the same length actually which is always a good start in my reckoning...so I bought it, and a shirt and a tie.

My cousin had better read this and appreciate that I have really splashed out for his wedding, I'll expect to see more than just The Nolans having a sing song or I'll be sorely disappointed.

Oops, have I said too much ?