Monday, November 05, 2007

Women and shoes...

One small point from the weekends nuptual festivities before we move on to my other wedding memoires (including the one with the fight) - women and shoes.

Whats all that about then ?

Somewhere in the last three weeks I've mentioned how the current Mrs Jerrychicken bought a couple of of pairs of shoes for the weekends wedding only to have me return them the following day because she'd changed her mind.

She did eventually purchase a pair of shoes that were deemed worthy of the occasion but late on Friday night approached me to inform me that she wasn't sure that she'd be able to wear them on the day because they ............ and I lost interest at that point so I can't tell you why they were unsuitable.

Suffice to say that she informed me that I might be taking an emergency trip to a shoe shop on Saturday morning, suffice to say that her plan was thwarted by a swift rebuttal of "In your dreams".

I suspect that as said shoes were stilleto's of some description then she was finding them somewhat uncomfortable to totter around in on the practice run and the prospect of having to wear them all day at a wedding and night "do" is what was causing the doubt, and in this I can sympathise for there is simply not a single persausive argument on earth that would ever convince me to don a pair of stilleto's and ponce around on them all day, not even cash inducements.

Ok, cash offers that start with £99 with four or more zero's before the decimal point considered.

But,

Everyone knows what stilleto shoes are like to wear, even a dolt like me knows what stilleto shoes are like wear, even a dolt like me who has never once in his life tried on a pair of stilleto shoes let alone attempted walking in them...

...wait a minute....

...there was just that once then.

...so even a dolt like me who only just the once tried to strut his funky stuff in a pair of stilleto heels knows that they are not for wearing for more than five minutes at a time, if at all, stilleto's are for looking at, not wearing.

So why, oh why, are shoe shops full of the fekking things ?

And why do women still buy them ?

And why do women still buy them and then try to wear the fekkers for hours at a time ?

And why do women buy them, try and wear the fekkers for hours at a time and spend all of that time, and for days afterwards, complaining about how badly their feet hurt after strapping something to your feet that was never intended to be strapped on your feet ?

I'd rather strap a pair of waffle irons to my feet, plug them in and then try and walk on them.

My wife tells me that halfway through the evening "do" she went to the Ladies rest room to find half the cast of Loose Women sitting on the floor rubbing their feet, floor scattered with assorted stilleto's and she joined them in the ritual bitching and whining over their stupid choice of footwear before donning said footwear again for another two hours of torture on wobbly shoes that were designed for amputees with just a big toe remaining on each foot to wear.

Me?

I kept my shoes on all night thank you very much, and very comfortable they were too.

3 comments:

A. said...

Stilettos are problematic. You run the risk of attracting a foot fetishist, and that is not desirable in my opinion. Many a tear will be shed by the girl who uses fancy shoes to lure men, mark my words.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm! Sold my last pr of "silly shoes" on e-bay. I now wear black plimmies :)

P O T W is a classic! do you still follow?

The Wrath of Dawn said...

Because they think it makes them, as Scaryduck would say, SEXXXUSSS.

Prefer something less torturous myself.

Why yes, I am single, why do you ask?

*blinks innocently*