The house sale...

I'm sick of selling our house now.

Fed up, I've had enough.

I've had enough of endless showing people around our house, whittering on about the layout and why its got a downstairs shower room ("I don't fooking know"), why its hasn't got a garage ("theres no fooking room, can't you see?") and how big the kitchen is and why its got three, sometimes four computers in it ("so we don't fight").

Its been five months now, the estate agent promised it would sell "without a problem" but its true that she didn't exactly explain how long it would take to sell without a problem.

We had three lots of people looking around on sunday, two of them for the second time, I'm so sick of explaining what the function of each room is ("this is called a toilet, we shit down that bowl thing there and it goes into the ground somehow"), so sick that I just open the door, wave my arm in the direction of the hallway and tell them to show themselves around, so far no-one has come back to ask if those rooms upstairs are where we sleep so I guess my method is ok.

We had an old couple come and look around last night who freely admitted that their house wasn't up for sale and they weren't even sure if they'd be selling their house or buying a new one, they just wanted to look around, I was writing that piece below about the London Olympics when they came so just waved them on their way upstairs, they didn't stay long and I checked to see that my ipod was still at the side of the bed after they'd gone.

I'm also fed up of looking around other peoples houses, of walking around, smiling, nodding, saying "oooh thats nice" when in fact you're thinking "jesus how do they live like this" and then telling the estate agent "its not for us".

We looked around a house on sunday on an estate that we used to live on 15 years ago (we've moved four times since then), it was a new house 20 years ago, its quite a nice house, it would do for us, but the lazy bas'tad people who live in it haven't done a thing to it since they bought it in 1984. Its still got the same tired old kitchen in it and its still got single glazing for gods sake, single fooking glazing when you're one mile away from an international airport, how bloody gormless is that ?

If we put an offer in for that one, and we may, then I'm going to knock £20K off the price, see if they like that, idle bas'tads.

We're going back to the street we used to live in tonight to look at an identical house to the one that we used to live in eight years ago (we've moved twice since then), its just three doors away - just to give you an idea of how enthusiastic I am to live back in that street again, think of those people tonight when they are showing me around their house, me with a face like Jack Dee on downers, "its alright but its not for us", "has it got a garage?"

I'm going to see a mortgage advisor this afternoon and I'm not going to give them any personal details, no salary details, nothing, I'm just going to tell her how much I want to pay each month and then get her to find out who will lend me enough money so I can buy the house I want, in other words I'm going to make the old cow work for her money.

Am I in a bad mood today ?

You be the judge.


PS - mentioning mortgages there - thats going to get me loads of spam isn't it ? Bas'tads.