Tuesday, February 13, 2007

You entertainer, Me audience...

Time for another pet hate of mine.
No, its not The Police (left).
But they reminded me of my pet hate.

Saw a video of them performing at a press conference in LA this morning after they have announced that they are to tour later this year in order to rake in lots of dosh for the two other members who were not Sting - ok they didn't quite explain it like that but we know what you mean boys.

But thats not my pet hate either - I quite liked The Police actually, bought albums and everything.

I even have a video of Sting doing some sort of strange yoga exercises whilst wearing nothing at all, its awful.
But seeing Sting naked isn't my pet hate either.

Its this - during the set that they were playing, right in the middle of "Message in a Bottle", Mr Sting shouted out to the audience "I can't hear you", principally because they weren't singing along with him in the chorus.

Thats my pet hate.
Acts who want you to do their job for them.

I hate it when a singer, a DJ, or even a magician - ok perhaps not a magician, magicians acts tend to rely on audience participation - but anyway, any other type of act apart from magicians, shout out to the audience stuff like "C'Mon, everyone on their feet" or "Sing it if you know it" or, like Mr Sting "I can't hear you".

The thing is Mr Sting, you couldn't hear the audience singing because its your fuckin job to sing to them, its their job to listen to you, if they stood there talking to themselves and ignoring you, you'd be the first one to shout out "I can hear you too well", so how about you just concentrate on fuckin singing and let the audience be fuckin entertained ?

(heres the name dropping bit now)

Some ten or more years ago I was sitting on the balcony of the restaurant complex at Club Rockley, Barbados with the owner of the hotel, a man who looked and sounded remarkably like the old 1950's British cinema heartthrob Jack Hawkins.

We were watching a carribean reggae "turn" perform around the poolside to an obviously appreciative (and drunk) audience, when the female singer started inviting people up onto the dance floor for a jig to the ska beat, but even drunken English people have to be persuaded to dance to a carribean ska beat in front of native carribea-ans and so she resorted to dragging them out of their seats.

Jack Hawkins was not amused and after a minute or so he raised one hand and waggled a little finger to his entertainment manager Curtis who was also standing on the balcony watching the "fun", "Pay them off Curtis" he instructed.

Curtis looked a little shocked and asked his boss why, "Because I pay them to entertain my clients, not to force my clients to dance to cover up their own inadequacies" he informed.

Its a phrase that has stuck with me ever since.

If I'd been in that club in LA last night when Mr Sting told me to sing along with him I'd have got the whole audience to shout in unison "We're not here to cover up your own inadequacies you know"

That would have shown him.

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