Paul McCartney - Memory Almost Full - a review

Disclaimer - The author freely admits to not having been a great fan of Mr McCartney's music since he left The Beatles, Mr McCartney that is, not the author.

Revision to Disclaimer - The author freely admits that he thought that the albums "Band on the Run", "Venus and Mars" and "Speed of Sound" were quite good, everything else has been poor to shite.

With the release of Paul McCartney's new album "Memory Almost Full" being plugged on tv every three or four minutes and with its groundbreaking (for him) simultaneous release on Napster, I was last night able to play it in almost its entirety (see end of review) and for your delight and delectation, review it track by track in the stylee of the new Musical Express all those years ago when it and I were young and I hung on its every word.
So,

Track 1. Dance Tonight - this is the track you hear on the tv advert, you hear what you get, a pop song pretending to have folk or cajun roots. Its palateble but only just, Bruce Springsteen and the Seeger Sessions Band do cajun properly and I could listen to them all night.

Track 2. Ever Present Past - I heard this one three minutes ago and I've forgotten it already, a fairly typical experience for me with McCartney songs, bland and unoriginal

Track 3. See Your Sunshine - the chorus goes "she makes me feel glad, I want her so bad..." I guess he wasn't talking about the lovely Heather, another pop tune, you could advertise stuff like lemonade to this one - forgotten already.

Track 4. Only Mama Knows - Tries to be heavier, tries to be rockier, tries to be Kaiser Chiefs, Loz my young hobbit friend would like this one, which tells me all I need to know.

Track 5. You Tell Me - Another slow one sung in a silly high voice, if you read the lyrics on their own you would probably be sick in the same way that you would be if you had just eaten 47 gross of cadbury creme eggs.

Track 6. Mr Bellamy - Its not Craig and its not David, its a song that reminds me of a rock opera song but this time it would be a soundtrack to a Tim Burton cartoon, in other words its cr@p

Track 7. Gratitude - I'm so grateful for everything you've given me starts this song, I'm so grateful that we're halfway through this, this is poor, this smells like something that was made up at 3.32am one morning when there was nothing on the telly and everyone was stoned but by now the drugs don't work in the same way as they did in 1967, this time they make you bland.

Track 8. Vintage Clothes - Write a song with "vintage clothes" in the title someone said, so he did even though he really wanted to make a political comment about the Iraq war, the fact that he merged the two subjects together should tell you how daft this song is, its very daft.

Track 9. That Was Me - Paul McCartney tries to write his biography in a song that lasts 2 mins 38 secs - and fails miserably to the tune of a strumming guitar.

Track 10. Feet in the Clouds - Its playing as I type and its so bland and the lyrics are so ridiculous that I can't even listen to it even though its in the earplugs and they are turned up full I find I can quite happily ignore this and carry out other tasks, one of the poorer tracks so far.

Track 11. House of Wax - Theres a theme building here, the tracks are getting blander as we near the end, this one is as bland as eating wax fruit instead of the real stuff, I hope McCartney didn't pay too much for the studio time and the CD pressing costs, he'll need all he's got to compensate that young daughter of his as she grows up.

Track 12. The End of the Road - and thank christ for that, McCartney and piano, the budget must have been running out by now, he speaks of dying and I'm not one for wishing that on anyone but if he said he was going to record another one of these albums then I'd be happy if this song fulfilled its prophecy.

Track 13. Nod Your Head - Just plain appalling, when the shop assistant asks if you are sure that you want to buy this album do not do what this song title suggests, instead do the opposite. There - I've just sat through the worst album of this year so far so that you don't have to - Napster has some bonus tracks and an interview with the man but I can't bring myself to listen to them.

Paul McCartney has just confirmed what I've known for 30 years, his output of crap is prestigious and he relies on the fact that for every 100 tons of plain and boring coal you shovel you may just find one small diamond - there are no diamonds in this pile, there have been no diamonds for many years now.