Will the real Lionel Richie please stand up ?

Speaking of Lionel Richie, who was, me, see the post below..

Speaking of Lionel RIchie, my cousin is a not-so-famous professional guitarist who is partnered up with a famous ex-singing star of stage, screen and Top of the Pops, but guitar-ism isn't what its cut out to be and the big money is in promotion, for promotion read exploitation of ill prepared young aspiring soon-to-be pop stars, and so he promotes more than "guitars" now.

He especially promotes several look-ee-likee tribute acts, one of whom is the aforementioned Lionel Richie, or as he is better known, Lionel Richards, a white guy who has a good wig, flares and lots of theatrical make-up in various shades of brown.

Last year my cousin took a phone call from a charity event organiser who was organising a very big gig in London for a retiring England Rugby Captain, money was no object and they were talking of raising a six figure sum for charity and needed a big star name to attract the silly money that those soft southern nancies in London like to throw around as if they had no pockets to keep their money in.

My cousin nodded and "ummed" at the end of the phone and wondered all the time why the fuck this promoter had called him, a penniless ex-guitarist living in Blackpool trying to get gigs for poor look-a-likeees at crappy working mens clubs, but all soon became clear as the promoter mentioned that he wanted Lionel Richards to appear at the top of the bill.

At least thats what my cousin thought he said and he confirmed that indeed he was Lionel Richards agent but just before he was about to mention his £40 plus travelling expenses and a ham supper fee, the promoter spoke those magic words, "we'll pay whatever it takes to get him over from Paris that night".

It was around this time that my cousin realised that the promoter was speaking of the real Lionel Richie, luckily just before my cousin mentioned the fact that Lionel Richards was actually booked in Skelmersdale that night not Paris.

He told the promoter that he'd make enquiries and get back to him with a price.

Fortunately with his partner being a famous ex-singing star of stage, screen and Top of the Pops, she still had contacts "in the business" and he found the real Lionel Richie's agent who is based in London, relayed the story to him but somehow gave him the impression that it was my cousin that was promoting the event, a deal was struck at £46,000 for the evening, plus a private aircraft from Paris and suitable limousine transport for Mr Richie, his band and entourage, Mr Richie would perform in Paris, hop over the channel for the charity gig sometime after midnite and then return to Paris to continue with his European tour, my cousin added £5000 to the figure quoted, rang the real promoter back and was instructed to go ahead with the deal.

The only down side to the story is that my cousin arranged a backstage pass for himself and his two stepsons but after the real Lionel Richie (who my cousin admitted was marginally better then Lionel Richards) had finished he and his entourage were off into the night in the hired limo's as fast as a well enema'ed bowel.

Still £5000 for taking a phone call...