Monday, April 23, 2007

Auntie Beattie in the frame

See the lady on the right in the photo ?
Thats my sainted Great-Auntie Beattie that is.
The one who was married to The Bas'tad Victor who she once followed into town on the bus to witness him meeting up with a floozie on the steps of Leeds Town Hall.

There wasn't a single cell of her body that was awkward, nasty, petulant or bitter and everytime you visited her house (which was often) she'd always have a cup of coffee and some home baking to ply you with, nobody ever had a bad word to say about her.

She was a saint walking amongst us and when she died in 1985 her god took her quickly with no suffering as her reward for just being nice all of her life.

So why am I trying to fit her up for a murder ?

Last night I dreamed about my Great-Aunt Beattie, it felt really comfortable to be sitting in the front room of her little stone built terrace house in that big coarsely upholstered armchair that was as old as she was, she brought me coffee and a big tray of cakes, she was really pleased to see me and wanted to know everything that had happened to me since the last time that she'd seen me at her own funeral in 1986.

And then I told her why I was there.
I explained that I'd just murdered someone and I needed an alibi.
She smiled as if she didn't understand and asked if I wanted another cake.
I took another cake and explained again that I'd just murdered someone.
She smiled sweetly at me, her favourite great-nephew, and replied that yes, she'd heard me the first time and what sort of alibi did I want.

I told her that I wanted her to 'fess up to the murder.
In fact I told her that I'd already fitted her up for it and informed the police.
She didn't seem phased by this at all, I suppose you wouldn't if you knew that you were already dead and appearing in someones dream.

Why would I do that ?
Why would I frame my sainted Auntie Beattie for a murder that I'd committed ?


I'm a right bas'tad in my dreams sometimes.

3 comments:

John_D said...

"I'm a right bas'tad in my dreams sometimes."

And in other people's, as to which the missus will testify.

Gary said...

Harrumph !

Moving quickly on ....

Carolyn said...

Dammit! That's what I was going to say!