Thursday, April 05, 2007

Will he be ressurected ?

This one is fortuitous what with it being easter, fish and all that jazz.

Stood in the kitchen this morning munching on my breakfast toast (very extravagent today, the honey nut cornflakes have run out), gazing out of the window at Jake sniffing around the garden when he stopped and took lots of sniffs at something laying on the ground near the pond.

It was one of my golden orfes (see picture for detail although if I'd just said "fish" then you'd have known anyway).

"Oh bugger" thought I, but with thoughts of saving the new neighbours from the sight of me running up the garden in my jimmy-jams at 7am in the morning I decided to investigate later, after all if the fish had been howked out of the admittedly shallow pond by a heron or magpie. or worse still a cat, then there wouldn't have been much left of it to mourne over.

And now a lesson in how marriages work ...

Last night I was forewarned by a wife who has ruled my life for the last 24 years that this easter weekend I would be put to hard labour with an impossible list of jobs to achieve in this new house. I casually acknowledged her hieracy in the house junta with a resigned "I know" and then mentioned that I also wanted to make a start on the proper pond in the garden as the orfe have been living in the temporary one for a month now - what followed was an hours worth of harrangueing in which I was left in no doubt that the orfe were classified even further down the scale of importantness than me, the roller blind in Jodies bedroom is but one of a thousand items that are rated as vital to the continuing state of our marriage, long before we get to the new pond.

And now, less than twelve hours later, proof if proof were needed that the new pond should be placed on black alert, nay, I should have started its contruction before I'd even finished my toast this morning, jimmy-jams or not.

One hour later (my morning toilet is considerable) and with a heavy heart I trudged down the garden to observe which of the orfe had been stupid enough to stray into the shallow end and be snaffled by birds/cat and with dismay I realised it was "the big one", the twelve inch long orfe that I've had for five years now, looking even bigger now that it lay on the patio a couple of yards from the pond.

Checking it for injuries it didn't seem to have been scratched or ragged about by a third party bird/cat and as I stared at it, it blinked and opened its mouth - of course I shoved it back in the pond where it sunk to the bottom, opened its mouth a few times and blew huge gobs of air bubbles out of its gills.

If I had gone out to look at it at 7am I'd have saved it another hour of lying there trying to evolve quick enough to be able to breath air instead of water, but still, when I left it it was 10% alive back in the pond, lying on its back.

The burning question is of course - will there be an easter miracle ?

Will my fish rise from the dead ?

Are you really that bothered ?

The answer to the question on all of your lips is of course that I think it must have jumped out of the pond of its own accord, emphasising the need for the new one asap - expect another animated discussion on the topic tonight - how long it lay there I do not know but I may ring the vicar today and ask him to get his group of wittering old bags in the church to sing a prayer for him and if he pulls through I'll promise to call him Jesus and allow the god-botherers access to the garden to worship at my temporary pond for a small donation.

This is all very exciting isn't it ?

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