Thursday, April 26, 2007

Lincs bound

Another Thursday night another day off tomorrow.
Tomorrow we are Lincolnshire bound.
Tomorrow is the start of Andy's wedding weekend.

Andy, the big soft lad, the oldest male in the UK who is not yet officially married will, on Saturday, be officially married, by a vicar and everything.

He and his bride to be now live in Lincs and we are booked into a hotel on a links golf course, so thats a links hotel in Lincs then, what a shame I don't play golf anymore as we had a wonderful idea for the wedding day morning - book a round of golf for the stag party and time it to finish five minutes before the bride was due in church, we could leave the clubs in the vestry.

The Lincolnshire coast, nay the whole of Lincolnshire, a huge county halfway down the east coast of England, is flat, dead flat, the whole county barely rises above sea level and the coast is one long, long strip of beach and sand dunes so the landscape photography opportunities this weekend will be stymied unless we have some spectacular weather effects - a nice big black thunderstorm out to sea would be good.

The car has been serviced and valeted especially for the occasion with new brake pads and discs all round, ker-ching and there goes £600 at the main dealer, "Your tyres are illegal" he tells me with a barely diguised look of glee in his commission hungry eyes, "all of them" he adds.

"Tis ok I reply, I have a dealer who gets them for me"
"We are cheaper" he says without hesitation, "£114 per tyre please"

I visit my local friendly pro-tyre-kicker and I am quoted £87 per tyre, I leave the car with him today and return for another ker-ching, £400 for the tyres and he informs me that he's inflated the tyres with Nitrogen, when I ask why he tells me that its because they put nitrogen in aircraft tyres, I pause and think about that one, I still can't see the relevance and tell him so, he tells me its because nitrogen won't leak out of the tyre valves like compressed air does and with the rapid changes of outside air pressure and temperature in aircraft tyres they need to use nitrogen, I nod sagely and admit that yes thats a good idea for aircraft tyres, pause again, then ask what the fook that has to do with my car and he tells me that they thought I'd like nitrogen in my tyres at an extra £2.50 a tyre and I have to admit that yes, I do like the idea of riding on nitrogen although I can't think of one good reason why and I've had all day to figure out whether I've been had or not.

So tomorrow we set sail for Andy's wedding on the Lincolnshire coast on nitrogen tyres and finally Suzanne has found her wedding outfit, and finally tonight after yet another exhaustive visit to Marks & Spencer she has found an evening do outfit, the third one that she has purchased and even now I am not confident that this is the one that will make the trip, we have to pass M&S on our way out tomorrow morning and I would not be suprised if we pop in there for one last look.

Myself I am wearing the black suit that I bought very cheaply in Asda a few weeks ago, so cheap that the sweatshop worker in China who made it will probably not even be able to afford one bowl of rice on the commission they get from my sale but why should I care, one hundred years ago we used to exploit English mill workers in the garment trade, now no-one in this country makes clothes and we exploit chinese people to make clothes that we wear once and throw away because they have only cost us ten minutes worth of our wage packet - surely thats better ?

I'll be wearing the black suit for the evening do too, see how simple are mens needs ?
No point in making two chinese clothing workers rich.

I'll be back sunday night, minus cheap black suit which will surely have perished by then.

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