Sunday, April 15, 2007

What is he building ?

What's he building in there?
What the hell is he building
In there?
He has subscriptions to those
Magazines... He never
Waves when he goes by
He's hiding something from
The rest of us... He's all
To himself... I think I know
Why... He took down the
Tire swing from the Peppertree
He has no children of his
Own you see... He has no dog
And he has no friends and
His lawn is dying... and
What about all those packages
He sends. What's he building in there?
With that hook light
On the stairs. What's he building
In there... I'll tell you one thing
He's not building a playhouse for
The children what's he building
In there?

Now what's that sound from under the door?
He's pounding nails into a
Hardwood floor... and I
Swear to god I heard someone
Moaning low... and I keep
Seeing the blue light of a
T.V. show...
He has a router
And a table saw... and you
Won't believe what Mr. Sticha saw
There's poison underneath the sink
Of course... But there's also
Enough formaldehyde to choke
A horse... What's he building
In there. What the hell is he
Building in there? I heard he
Has an ex-wife in some place
Called Mayors Income, Tennessee
And he used to have a
consulting business in Indonesia...
but what is he building in there?
What the hell is building in there?

He has no friends
But he gets a lot of mail
I'll bet he spent a little
Time in jail...
I heard he was up on the
Roof last night
Signaling with a flashlight
And what's that tune he's
Always whistling...
What's he building in there?
What's he building in there?

We have a right to know...

"What's he Building" - Tom Waits from his album Mule Variations

A question on the lips of all my neighbours as I drilled and hammered away all day long yesterday, interspersed with the whine of a knackered old electric circular saw with all the safety guards missing, one day I will saw off my own leg with that vicious bastard as it kicks like a mule when it hits a knot.

I drilled and banged and hammered away all day to their chagrine and then suddenly with an "oh shit" I released 598 gallons of water down the street nearly taking three cars with it and just stood and the top of the dirve and laughed hysterically, then cried as I returned to the enclosed back garden.

"Whats he building in there ?" they must have all wondered.

And today they would have heard the curses as the spade hit stone, they would have heard the creaking of the wheelbarrow and then seen the bags and bags of turf and soil mount up in the driveway ready for my trip to the tip seeing as the council haven't given me a garden waste wheelie bin even though I had one at the old house just two streets away, here at the new house we are just outside the trial zone for the garden waste bins, I knew I should have brought the one with me from the old house - now that would have confused the binmen with just one garden waste bin to collect in our street, "what is he building in there" they would have scratched their heads and wondered.

And while I was stood knee deep in the hole where the redesigned pond is to ultimately be our new neighbour poked his head above the hedge and bade me a good morning, "How is the pond coming on" he asked, "It went yesterday" I explained but told him no more, leaving him with a strange lopsided grin and an awkwardness that the conversation was going no further as I turned back to the hole and started singing the old Bernard Cribbins song "There I was, diggin this hole, hole in the ground sort of big and sort of round it was..."

"What is he building in there ?" he must have wondered as he returned to waving at his own fish in his own pond, which is nowhere near as good as mine is going to be, oh no.

The planning committee sat today and advised me that I could proceed with my revised plan for the pond, consisting of one half of its depth above ground and one half below ground, I've managed to sneak 18 inches of height above ground past her and I've dug 12 to 15 inches below ground, and I'm fooked now, haven't dug and wheelbarrowed that much soil in years - ever in fact.

And the neighbours are well intrigued by now.

No comments: