Irritable Male Syndrome

Irritable Male Syndrome.
or - Grumpy Old Men
or - Miserable Bas'tads

I met one of them last night.

As anyone who knows me will tell you I am a peaceful enough sort of chappie, "laid back" is an expression that has been used to describe me frequently and its an expression that I'm happy to live with - I don't argue with people because we've all got a right to an opinion and my life is too short for me to take a stand and try and persuade someone to change theirs - have it your way, I don't really care is my main attitude.

So last night I am making use of my newly aquired season tickets to the Leeds Rhinos rugby league team to watch them play Salford in an appallingly one sided game that left me in tears of boredom at the end - but thats another story.

I had graciously invited the one who is betrothed to me to the game and she had graciously accepted being as these new season tickets are in the new stand at Headingley and are very good seats and beer was involved beforehand - so I decide to park the car in the cul-de-sac near the ground that is the street where my Uncle Ralph lives.

Normally I park outside his house but someone lese had nabbed that spot so I park the car outside one of his neighbours - unknowingly I had picked the dwelling of Grumpy from the seven dwarf's to park outside of.

I'd only got one foot on the ground outside of my car when his living room window was flung open and he yelled at the top of his voice at me telling, nay demanding that I did not park in front of his house.

Now I don't know what its like in the rest of the world but in the UK, if your car is taxed, licensed and roadworthy then you are permitted to park anywhere on the public highway where there are no presubscribed parking restrictions - presubscribed by local bylaw that is, not by the grumpy old bas'tad who lives there.

I did what I usually do in confrontation situations, I laughed at him.

Its not the best reaction to offer to a miserable old sod who is going off on one but it is funny to watch the follow-up reaction - this one just got even angrier and shouted from behind his open window about how he wouldn't be able to get his car out of his driveway if I parked there and, and, and, lots of other stuff that I wasn't really listening to as I was laughing again.

In a pantomime-stylee regard of the situation I carefully looked at my car and carefully looked at his driveway, the car was nowhere near his driveway by several yards, this old twat just didn't like cars parked in front of his house which is fair enough but shit happens sometimes and having a car parked legally in front of your house isn't the worst thing that can ever happen to you in your life, I can thing of several other things that would be equally as bad, if not a tad worse.

I asked in a pleasant manner if he would like me to move it but he was well into rambling mode now and was wittering on about something or other, I asked him again and then laughed a bit more as this was really getting to ridiculous proportions now - but I was enjoying myself - for the thrid time I asked him if he would like me to move the car "you only have to ask" I told him, but he couldn't stop now, face purple with apoplexy he was on a right rant and the more I laughed at him the worse he got.

For the sake of his health, for I was convinced that this would only end in a heart attack for him and perhaps death by laughter choking for me, I moved the car ten yards down the road and like a cuckoo clock who was finished announcing the hour change his window slammed shut and he disappeared but as I walked up the hill past his house he was there, sitting in his chair staring out of the window at the precious empty parking space in front of his house, and he shook his fist at me as I walked by, poor old lad.

He was still sitting there in the dark three hours later when we returned, still guarding the twenty yards of street space outside his house, teeth clenched in a permenant "grrrrrr" phase like a cartoon guard dog - boy am I going to have fun at the next home game when I park there again.