Monday, May 07, 2007

The garden money pit...

I can't believe that yesterday I paid £8.99 for each of two pots of what I call "dune grass" although I concede that it is probably not dune grass and probably has a proper latin name, nevertheless it is grass, two pots of grass that I bought yesterday - and then I bought another, smaller pot of grass for £3.99.

If you'd have told me 20 years ago, 20 years ago when I was living on the north east coastline, that I would hand over £22 of my hard earned money for something that we considered to be a bloody nuisance back then, something that I could have ventured out of my gate, armed with a shovel, and dug up acres of the stuff for free, then I would have questioned your, and my, sanity.

Its all in aid of our new decking chill out zone, built around the new semi-above-ground pond, its an on going project that has no plan, I'm making it up as I go along and have no idea how big its going to be.

Yesterday I completed a 10 foot square section and to my eyes there is nothing quite so beautiful as wood in the garden - Suzanne's first thought on viewing my masterpiece was "it looks like a dance floor" and later that evening when the solar powered led lights on the front line of the deck had illuminated, I invited her on there for a dance - for the first time in 27 years I asked my wife for a dance (I don't dance), and she refused, calling me "a daft bugger" - so I won't be asking her to dance again in a hurry.

Picked up a remarkable bargain for the decking planks in B&Q - a few weeks ago when I bought the planks for the pond they had two grades, the standard one at £5.99 for a 2.4 metre plank and a cheaper one at £3.99 - obviously I went for the cheaper one.

Saturday when I returned for some more they only had the one grade and despite the fact that it looked suspiciously like the more expensive version they had a huge big sign above it stating that it was on a special offer at £3.99, I bought 16 planks.

Got to the checkout and with a few other items the bill came to £132, pushed the trolley to the car and puzzled over the maths, it seemed wrong, checked the bill and sure enough they'd charged me £5.99 a plank, returned to the store and found a manager of some sort who listened to me and then explained that the decking was indeed £5.99 and why did I think it was £3.99, I led him gently by the arm and pointed to the fekkin huge big sign that said "Special offer £3.99" above said planks, he pulled the sign down from the shelf to reveal the £5.99 price tag, and to his, and B&Q's eternal credit he signed off a credit on my mastercard for £32.

Came back out of the store to where Suzanne was standing and gleefully told her of my good fortune and how I wished I'd bought 20 planks now to which she pointed out that I'd dropped myself in it as I still need at least three times as much timber to finish the deck - I'm going to have to buy the £5.99 stuff now to complete it - bugger.

Still, I now have a garden dance floor, even though my wife won't dance in the moonlight with me, and a planted area to one side of it with dune grass waving fiercely in the breze, I've never known a house be so affected by wind before - thats what you get for buying one on top of a hill.

PS - the next thing on the purchase list from B&Q is a two foot high laughing buddha, to be sat amongst the dune grass so that I can invite Suzanne to sit cross legged and "ooooommmmm" with me one night, we'll be getting a reputation for wierdness among the neighbours soon.

PPS - tomorrow I am summonsed to appear in the Crown Court as a witness - so that will be fun .


Biby Cletus said...

hi there, i stumbled across your blog while randomly searching the blogosphere, nice one you have here, i also find the design to my liking. do keep up the good work.

warm regards from the other side of planet earth. i'll be back for more.

Deep Regards

Biby Cletus
H2, Street no 9
Chamber Road

Gary said...

Thank you, please call again.