Geordie Jeans

Yes I know its actually "Geordie Jumpers" but there is another one on YouTube for "Geordie Jeans", ("they're re-aal tight aroond the arse like"), both of them a pisstake of course by the Reeves and Mortimer "Shooting Stars" programme.

Thats the explanation out of the way.

Apart from the fact that its a funny sketch I suspect that the funniest part of it will be lost on those who didn't live in the north east in the early 1980's - like I did.

You see Geordie Jeans were/are a real company.

They might have a large store in the Metro Centre now (they did the last time I looked) but in 1982 their emergence on the fashion scene was much more subdued - a small lock-up shop in a run down part of North Shields was where I first found them - what am I talking about, all of North Shields was run down then, but the Geordie Jeans shop was in the run down part of run down North Shields.

They sold jeans, end of mission statement.

They sold jeans in three styles, standard, tight fit, and a third option where you were surgically sewn into your tightfit jeans, never to remove them ever again, there are geordies walking around today with a pair of 1982 Geordie Jeans still faintly visible under several layers of skin.

Because I was young and trendy and because Suzanne insisted on me being a young and trendy trendsetter, and even though I was happy with my 1970's flares, she forced me to buy the tightfit options and over time I perfected the stiff legged walk of one who is wearing a pair of Geordie Jeans that are two sizes too small for him because they didn't have them in your proper size.

The shop interior was small, but simple to operate, you squeezed in through the front door to join the throng of eager customers inside and eventually would find one of the young girl assistants who would stop chewing gum long enough to speak to you, you'd point to one of the three styles of jeans that were pinned to the wall behind the counter, your girlfriend would tell her what size you needed, and the gum-chewer would go away and try to find that size in that style.

She'd return with the wrong size to tell you that they only had this size left, obviously a downright lie as shortly after you'd paid for yours you'd hear another assistant telling another customer "we only have this size in that style" and it would be the size that you really wanted.

But you'd buy them anyway because to leave Geordie Jeans without buying a pair of Geordie Jeans was unforgiveable, it was the mecca of jeans in the north east and on a saturday night out you were a nobody if you weren't wearing your Geordie Jeans, the tighter the better, which led to some very painfull expressions later on in the night as lads tried to squeeze down their eighth bottle o'broon without a toilet visit - toilet visits were virtually impossible in a pair of Geordie Jeans as you had to lie down on the floor to zip the fly up.

Thankfully that was the last time that I ever became infatuated with jeans, my choice of jeanwear now is in the main sourced from George at Asda where a shapeless creation in blue demin with plenty of leg waft and ample girth (I haven't yet resorted to elastic waists) can be had for £2, plenty enough to pay for something that looks crap.